By Evetta McGriff
It’s not always easy being a teenager. Changes in your bodies and even relationships with family and friends are sometimes hard to navigate. These changes can’t be avoided, and may bring on some conflict within your relationships. Conflict is something that is a part of life, and is both normal and healthy. It doesn’t have to be something that is negative or leads to arguing or any type of violence. Do not believe that, when a conflict or disagreement occurs, your only choice in life is to fight. Learning to deal with conflict is a necessary life skill. If you do not learn to deal with conflict early, it can lead to situations that cause problems in relationships and difficulty dealing with minor problems.
It’s important to understand that you cannot hide from or avoid all conflict. You can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. You have to learn to deal with conflict, which is based on a problem and not a person. Knowing and understanding that, whether your personality is the same or different, there can be conflict. The first thing to do is remain calm. Learn to regain control of your feelings and emotions instead of immediately reacting. Identify what the actual conflict is and be clear about it. Be open to talking about the conflict with the other person or persons. To help in the resolution of the conflict, everyone has to be willing to listen to each other, be open about feelings, both positive and negative, and be respectful. When trying to reach a resolution, be assertive in what you are trying to communicate. Be calm and confident and not passive or aggressive.
Make a list of possible solutions to the conflict and look at each option. Be open to both compromising and negotiating as a solution. Learning both of these skills will take you far in life. Compromising means each person gives in to one or two points within the conflict. Compromising may seem unfair to one person compared to the other, but you have to learn that you won’t always “win.” Negotiation means having a discussion in order to reach an agreement that everyone feels benefits them in some way.
When discussing a conflict, stay focused on the current situation, and don’t bring up situations that have occurred in the past. You have to let go of things from the past. If you don’t, it can cause additional disagreements in the current conflict. You can’t change the things that have already happened. If you really want to resolve the conflict, you must be willing to talk about it; don’t pout, sulk, or refuse to talk. Part of listening requires showing empathy and putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. You have to also be open and avoid going on a defensive attack. Accept responsibility and apologize when you are wrong. Choose the best resolution option, get buy-in from everyone, and determine everyone’s role in order for the resolution to be effective. When conflict comes up again, you have the tools to help resolve it.
Source: Mom Junction, National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
