By Detra Brown
Sex is a three-letter word that no one wants to talk about, but everyone thinks about at some point in life. If it’s a topic you’re not comfortable with, be willing to talk about it with your parents or a trusted adult. Your comfort is of utmost importance especially when it comes to sex.
While the ideal is for sex to happen between a husband and a wife, the reality is that this isn’t always the case. Before engaging in sexual activity, it is important to think about what do you need and want from the experience? What is your expectation? The person should be someone important to you; someone who adds to you; someone who wants you and not you’re your body. If you don’t have a positive response to these questions for this person, pause. Yes, moments exist when the hormones rage and there is a desire for action. Before yielding to the onslaught of emotions, pause and think before you engage.
Sex occurs between two people. Because this isn’t a solitary activity, all parties need to consent to participate. What does consent look like? Simply put, it is letting another person know you want to have sex. This looks like both people saying yes, a look of excitement and anticipation, beginning to undress, etc. When both people are ready to engage in sex, they want the other person to feel comfortable. They confirm the interest and intent of the partner. Each party proceeds with the action based on the comfort level of the other. They are not self-focused as the desire is to please the other person.
If at any time, one of the parties no longer wants to participate. Activity is immediately stopped because there is no longer consent. Please know that consent isn’t a one-time event. It may be the intent of the person to engage in sex but may change his/her mind for several reasons. It’s people’s prerogative to change their minds and they don’t owe anyone an explanation. Therefore, it’s everyone’s job to acknowledge the lack of consent and change course. Failure to do so constitutes rape.
Rape is the violation of someone’s rights to refuse sex. Of course, females are the first ones people think of when there is a mention of rape. Males are also victims of sexual predators. So, gender doesn’t determine if someone falls prey to victimization. This may be difficult to think about since you are familiar with your potential partner. Please note that rape and sexual assault can occur with people you know.
Regardless of who you are, you have the right to control what happens to your body. If you are uncomfortable with an action, you have the right to refuse. You don’t owe your partner an explanation or must endure anything you’re not okay with. Don’t worry about what people will say because if they love you, they will want the best for you. If someone attempts to coerce you into sex, this isn’t love. This is selfishness and they only care about themselves. You deserve better than that.
If you or someone you know is a victim of rape, please contact someone for help. You can call 911 or the rape and sexual assault hotline at 800-656-HOPE.
